Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wednez-day Weerd-ness

Delilah: "OMG!!! What is my brother Maximillan up to?
I think this is what Mommy has been so mad about."

Maximillian: (Hissing to himself) "I'll show Mommy! Who does she think she is? Deserting us cats when we need her... not cooking for us, not opening up bags of Greenies when we want it, not BLOGGING for us?!?"

Delilah: "Uh oh! I better follow Uncle Maxi and see what he's going to do. Mommy might get pretty annoyed if he's going to do what I think he's going to do."

Maximillian: "Ahhhhh... that's it... I will simply lift my tail and Mommy will see the evidence of my displeasure with this sad state of affairs."

Delilah: (Sniffs) "Ye gads!"

Maximillian: "Yep.. in fact, I think I'll do it again. Maybe on something that Mommy deems sacred, like her tools for growing micro greens!

Haha! Let's go!"

"Mmmmmm... here we go. This looks like the perfect spot to lift the tail."

"Aaaahhhh... I will imagine that this is a nice new pair of boots. Maybe even the ones she got for Christmas.
That will teach her!"

Delilah: "OMG!!! OMB!!! What will Mommy do???
She's going to blow a gasket!"

Maximillian: "Hah! a gasket, a basket... it doesn't matter Missy D!
I will lift the tail any where and any time.
And if you try to stop me I'll whap your little fuzzy face!"

Delilah: "Aaaaawwwwwwgggghhh! Mommy!!!! Uncle Maxi is attacking me!"

Iris: "Good Godfrey... can't a cat hunt in piece anymore???"

Delilah: "Ewwww.... it even stinks over in this part of the garden. Ick!!!"

"Mommy is going to have a cow! (or at least a heifer)"
"Mommy?????? Mommmmmmmmmmy?????"

"Well, you know what? If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"

"That ought to do it! If my Uncle Maxi thinks he's going to ruin Mommy's garden, he's got another thought coming.

Ummm... on second thought, maybe I ought to go help Iris. Mommy may not only blow a gasket, she might blow a valve."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Mon-day Man-cat Day

Dr Tweety: "Dis iz a terry-bull state of affairz!
Da momee tinks she canz leavez us cats all alone while she organ-nizez da housee & da garage.
Justee looks ats moi... I yam cov-furred in dirt!"

"How can she doez such a ting?
Where iz her dig-knee-tee?
(Fur dat matter, where iz mine??? I lets my pic be takin' like dis!)
I cannots beleevz her audit-taxy!"
Maxi, my brudder, can you beleevz da way dat da momee haz dee-zerted us catsez? Iz she outta her mind?"

Maximillian: (Grumbling) "You know something Tweet? If I wasn't already home on leave from Burma, I wouldn't even bother coming home!

I would head straight for Kellie the Orange Cat's house and have a wonderful time with my sweethheart."

Dr Tweety: "Amen to dat brudder o'mine! Mebbe I should head oevfur to da Mini's housee & stayz fur abouts 617 weeks! Dats wouldz teach da momee!"

Dr Tweety: "Enuff said! I haz givfun its my all but tingz don't seemz to be workin' out furry well wits da momee.

She nevfur helps me to vizit my frendz or evfun doez da blog.

It's "I have to do this Tweety and then maybe we can get together," or mebbe she haz anudder pity-full egg-scuse like "Oh Tweet honey, you know that I adore you!"

Yeah, right momee. I tinks I will believz dat when I seez da your fingerz on da key-board."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Time to takes tingz into my own pawz

Dr Tweety: "I haz a itty bitty con-fection to makes. Since da momee haz been in-cog-neato (da boy bean & hiz gurl waz vizytin) & I hadz no typist, I waz leftee to my own devices!

I tooks some nannerz, tomaterz & some nip (& mebbe a drop or 213, of fur-moose) & puts it all into da food prosess-her & madez some cock-talez."

"Az you can see frum my brudderz pic below... I may haz oevfur done it a itty bitty bit!"

"Mebbe it waz too much of da nip. I sure hopes da momee doez not come in beforez I can gets dis under control. She & her boy bean & da cute gurl bean Kellie are cleanin' outs da garage."

Auntie Stinkie: "Oh Tweet? I think it may be too late.. Iris mentioned my eyes were burning holes in the sofa!"

Delilah: "Oh goody!!! I want to try and burn holes in the sofa too! See? I am practicing my best laser eyes, but maybe I haven't had enough of that nip concoction. Uncle Tweety? Can I have some more?"

Dr Tweety: "Missy D! If yous really wants to haz lazer eyez, you has to practice your starez firstee. Da nip drink won'ts do it all.

See? See how I yam starin'? Dis iz how you gets dem eye ball muskullz strenghtened to bore holez in da furny-ture."

Delilah: "Well that's way too much trouble for me. Iris and I are going to take a nap until mommy comes out of the garage and fixes roast beast."

Dr Tweety: "Oh Maxi??? Hey brudder... come gets a look at deze laserz. I tinks mebbe we can burnz down da whole entire kitsch-hen!"

"Har har. Dis will servez da momee right fur dee-sertin' us catsez fur dayz on end."

Narrator: "And so dear readers, the Fab Five bore holes into the upholstered furniture, the dry wall, the towels, and the rugs.

A puff of smoke here, a puff of smoke there, and dinner was a wee bit late. There may have been a shriek or two, but as the narrator, I really cannot comment.

The moral of the story? Do not let mommy's think they can desert deserving cats for an entire week!"

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sun-day ant-icks

Dr Tweety: "Dis iz gettin' to be kinda a rooteen aroundz here. Onlee gettin' to blogz once a week.

I yam purr-fectlee dis-gusted. Da momee iz so lazee dats she evfun doez a schedooled dee-ploy. Ptooey! Doubull hairballz.

& justee looks at da mess around here. No-one (da Momee!) haz evfun changed da tabull clothee frum Christ-Mouse to nor-mal.

Delilah??? I tinks you better gets da broom & da mop outta da clozet. Momee haz gone AWOL."

Delilah: "No way Uncle Dr Tweety! I am not going to clean house. I don't care if the mess rolls down the hill. It's bad enough that we are bored, but house cleaning? Forget about it!"

Dr Tweety: "Okeedokee itty bitty poppit. Tellz you what, why don'ts we cooks up some mousie pie. Wouldz you like dat?"

Delilah: "Oh yes! Hooray! Mousie pie for every cat! But where are we going to get the mousies?"

Dr Tweety: "Let's go ask Iris... she'z da hunter of da fambly. I bet she can help us out. Iris honey??? Iz you dere?"

Iris: "Oh! I think I see some mousies now! Out in the front yard! Quick.. let's go!"

Delilah: (((Huffing and puffing))) "I ran all the way out here, and I don't see any mousies. And besides, where's Maxi? I thought he was supposed to help out with those super duper paws of his."

Maximillian: "Oh no you don't. I am not going to involve my regal self with hunting. I just arrived back from Burma from a horrific assignment. I am not stirring from this chair for anything! Except maybe to day dream about my gorgeous Orange Queen Kellie."

Auntie Stinkie: "Well I can help Iris. I may not be able to see, but I think I can still smell mousies. Is that one underneath the stairs?
Delilah? Can you come here and help me whap a rodent or two?"

Delilah: (((Mutters to herself))) "What is this? Am I expected to do everything here? Clean, cook, and hunt mousies?"

Iris: "Delilah.. you like to eat mousie pie don't you? Well, the time has come to leave no stone, and no board unturned. Mousies are hard to catch this time of year."

Delilah: (((grumbling))) "If you insist Iris. But I really would rather just eat the mousie pie."

Iris: "Just remember Missy D, there is no pie without the hunt!"

Dr Tweety: "Well dis iz takin' a itty bitty bit longer denz I egg-speckled. Mebbe we otta change horsez in da creek & makes bananner bread. I tinks a nice nip nanner in da oevfun wouldz make dis day goez a itty bitty better."

Iris: "Look, I don't care if you want to make banana bread or mousie pie. Just as long as we get it done pronto. Is the micro okay for mousie pie?"

Maximillian: "Aaaaaaaarrrrrgghh! Don't get that mousie pie any where near the microwave!!! Does the word 'explosion' mean anything to you all?"

Narrator: And so dear readers, the moral of this story is: Never let the Fab Five become bored on a Sunday. Unless of course, you are partial to panic.

Dr Tweety: "Panic??? Who saidz any ting abouts panikin. Dat iz PICNICK. We iz havfun a P-I-C-N-I-K."

Narrator: I knew that! Picnic! The moral of the story is, to picnic on mousie pie.

Dr Tweety: "Muchee better."

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Tuxie Tuez-day: Delilah's quandry

Auntie Stinkie mentioned something about New Year's resolutions.

And I do believe she implied that I could use some exercise.

Hmmm.... what do you think?

Look! If I sit up straight, don't I seem just fine? And notice the romantic mood lighting?

Good lighting always flatters the figure.

Besides, I get plenty of exercise.

See me hunting?

I love mousie pie! Um... make that light mousie pie.

Who thought up these silly New Year's resolutions anyway?

It must have been back in the Dark Ages, when mousie pie was not available.

It is so much easier to say, "I will give up that pie," if there is NO pie at all.

And just what am I expected to do with these things anyway?

Wow! Just look at these results! And in less than one hour.

(I must get Mommy to crop and enhance all my photos from now on.)

That's the perfect New Year's solution!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Sun-day with Auntie Stinkie

Auntie Stinkie: "I have been thinking a lot about this 2009.

I will be 17 this year, and I would like to make some resolutions.

Maybe I should lose a few ounces.

Then again, maybe I should enjoy more of Mommy's roasted chicken.

Mommy? Are we having chicken tonight?"

Mommy: "Well dear, we just had chicken last night. Don't you think that's enough for awhile?"

Auntie Stinkie: "Mommy! I have resolved to keep my girlish figure for 2009. I think chicken is a must-have... so if you won't cook it, I better find someone who will!

Tweety??? Are you around??? Do you want to slip that bird out of the freezer and let it thaw??"

Auntie Stinkie: "Another resolution will be to stretch and nap, and nap and stretch. After eating chicken of course!

One, two, three. One, two... that's enough... nap time!"

Auntie Stinkie: "Delilah? Are you watching? I imagine you will want to hit the treadmill pretty soon."

Delilah: "Me? You want ME to hit the treadmill??? We don't even own a treadmill!"

Auntie Stinkie: (((Whispers))) "Oh, that was just for effect dearie. Don't worry. Have another piece of chicken?"

Celly-bratin life in Orry-gone